Donald Sterling is not only racist but also an abusive partner

          After seeing people alleging that Stiviano abused #Donald Sterling’s trust and is cunning and manipulative to have leaked that recording, I want to point out that while it is tempting to crucify this woman, doing so only exposes our own misogyny, classism and compliance with domestic abuse. How unfortunate that misogyny blinds us to the abuse this woman suffered in the hands of this insecure, manipulative and controlling older boyfriend. Manipulation and isolation from loved ones by a significant other IS emotional abuse. Now I know you would argue that she could leave him if she wanted but studies have shown that the power dynamics between partners and their abusers are often pretty complex. Now add that to the fact that this man is a billionaire who wields lots of power in the circles that they interact in-that makes it even more complicated. You say you hate the set up and the abuse of trust on her part? Well, how about the set up on his part and the abuse of trust. He also set her up-. he bought her lots of material things then subsequently thought that he had BOUGHT HER FREEDOM AND AUTONOMY and could not only dictate her actions but also limit who she interacts with. I suspect that he is an expert abuser because at the slightest hint of her non-compliance he threatens and blackmails her with his leaving her. That is an abuse of trust he is purposely choosing to hurt her, by insulting her very core of being and heritage-make her feel that as a black woman she is inherently inadequate and has no value in the society and can only be of value when she has a white God father bestowing value upon her and continuing to affirm that value. That is an abuse of trust-a partner who feels so inadequate in your eyes but instead of working on himself chooses to break you down, lower your esteem so that you can stay with him thinking you can never do better and he is all you deserve is an abuser. A partner who tries to control you by making you feel inadequate without them is in fact abusing your trust.  What this comes down to is the fact that this man is just plain insecure, manipulative and abusive. I suspect that he did not want her to associate this those super star athletes because he was perhaps worried that she would eventually leave him for one of them and if this was his worry, he should have faced her like a man and discussed that issue openly rather than trying to manipulate her. Through his own trust issues his racism is exposed because he is so prejudice against Black people that they essentially have no value, beyond the economical in his eyes. Essentially he couldn’t fathom how his girlfriend would ever want to associate this “those” people yet he is still threatened by them.

Stiviano exposed her emotionally abusive older boyfriend. As a society, we cannot continue to urge abused women to seek help and leave while holding some abusive men above reproach. No man should ever afford to buy the right to abuse their partner. It doesn’t matter how many cars, houses or diamonds they have bought for her. Whichever way we choose to view this, either through the framework of a utilitarian philosophy or in a Kantian way, his actions are still reprehensible. The bottom line is this: is the emotional abuse of a partner wrong? YES. Surely we don’t even need fancy moral philosophies to help us arrive at this conclusion.

Now this man was set to receive an NAACP life time achievement award and has had very close ties to that organization. I would argue that exposing a live recording of him was the only way that this woman would have:

 1. Proven that he does indeed hold the racist views expressed in the recording

2. Is an abuser whom she can finally leave and live her life.

Given our society’s tendency to question women who expose their abusers, I would say that this woman is very brave.

Donald is not only racist but also an abusive partner.

Mahatma Gandhi once said that “The measure of a civilization is how it treats its weakest members.”

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/closeread/2014/04/donald-sterling-nba-clippers-owner-revealing-racism.html?utm_source=tny&utm_campaign=generalsocial&utm_medium=facebook&mbid=social_facebook

LET US GO AFTER THE REAL OFFENDERS AND LEAVE CIKU ALONE...

          

 Am very disappointed to read all the flack Ciku Muriuki is receiving for having allegedly been romantically involved with the Artur Brothers... Apparently Kenyans are more concerned about policing a woman's sexuality than dialoguing about the highly disturbing issues the investigative report was on. You see, the real problem here stems from the fact that Shiku has busted numerous Kenyan men on radio for cheating on their wives. Therefore, this incident is a chance to punish her for holding the numerous men she has busted accountable to their actions.... The real problem is that married Kenyan men feel entitled to philandering without any questions whatsoever....Any woman who violates this "right" must be punished!!! She must be shamed to silence for her own sexual choices so that she can leave the men to cheat in peace.... I see lots of you saying that Ciku was busted herself and that this was karma, she was not-at the time she was a grown single woman entitled to have consensual sex with any consenting adult she deemed appropriate... 

Even more disturbing is the fact that lots of the comments are bordering on harassment and "slut" shaming.... They are quite telling about the attitudes Kenyans hold towards woman: 1. Women should never question cheating men-this is punishable. 2. "Good" women do not have consensual sex with foreign visitors... 3. If you want to get away with a crime in Kenya, you better have a woman to shame as a way to distract the people's attention. 4. Kenyans are more concerned with whom a consenting adult woman allows access to her vagina than with the other "trivial" corruption issues being uncovered by the investigative report....

Its a shame that fellow woman are also participating in harassing Ciku....We are are propagating attitudes that allow our married men to philander as much as they wish while shaming single women for engaging in coitus with men we find "unacceptable"... We do not get to choose a woman's sexual partner, she does the choosing! 

A WOMAN HAS A RIGHT TO MAKE HER OWN CHOICES REGARDING HER SEXUALITY.

I beg to differ with the point that anybody associated with the Artur brothers is bound to receive the same intense criticism Ciku is receiving.... They are not... the report clearly showed lots of corrupt public officials who conspired with the brothers to murder, sell drugs and other things...ALL THOSE OFFICIALS that harmed our country were MEN-however, Kenyans choose to focus on that ONE WOMAN whose only crime was sleeping with the brothers... Ciku was not involved in the conspiracies---lets just say that she slept with the men and that was it! Do you want to tell me that she deserves MORE condemnation than ALL THE MEN who conspired to murder and rob? It certainly seems so from the trending conversations.... Why aren't we criticizing the corrupt public officials who actually caused harm us harm with the same intensity? Why aren't we criticizing the Othaya senator's daughter with the same intensity? Seems to me like she was actually more deeply involved with the brothers-both business wise and romantically.... However, since she is a daughter of a famous and wealthy family she is given a pass. The truth is that as a country we are making Ciku an easy target for unloading our collective frustrations with a deeply corrupt government that has failed us!!! WHY? because she is a woman, not as politically connected or wealthy.... We are a people so scared and intimidated by the corrupt public officials and money that we stay away from deeply criticizing the real offenders.... Instead we decided to pick on Ciku because she is a relatively safe target... SHAME ON US! If as a country we could go after the corrupt public officials the same way we go after women who we perceive have violated our pretentious distorted sense of morality, Kenyan could be a paradise free corruption.... The other day was RIP Caroline Mutoko, now its Ciku Muhuri... I have never seen any pages dedicated to considering dead any influential public officials that have actually conspired to murder, corrupt and sell drugs in our beautiful country.... These officials are our heroes-we admire their big cars, their flashy clothes and even elect them to offices including the most powerful office in our land.... The flack Ciku and Caroline received constitute violence against women and it is very unfortunate.... As a country we are so oppressed that we take out our frustrations on the women who are holding their own, being outspoken and fearless... Truth is to be a woman, not as wealthy or influential and outspoken is to be on the wrong side of patriarchy.... Ciku has a right to engage in consensual coitus with whomever she deems appropriate, on the other hand, our public officials do not have a right to murder, engage in corruption or sell drugs.... Let us go after the real offenders and leave ciku alone....

Living With Depression In Kenya

Sylvia Plath, Edgar Allan Poe, Isaac Newton, Friedrich Nietzsche, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, J. K. Rowling, Oprah Winfrey, Virginia Woolf, John Stuart Mill, Michelangelo, Martin Luther, Angelina Jolie, Ernest Hemingway, Lupe Fiasco, Michel Foucault, T. S. Eliot and Jon Bon Jovi...

What do all the above people have in common?At some point in their lives, they have suffered from clinical depression. 

This post was inspired by the clip bellow from a Kenyan Television Chanel  

While watching the clip made me glad that our Kenyan society is breaking down the barriers of secrecy surrounding mental illness and actually talking about the subject openly, the clip exposed some deeply misguided attitudes and misconceptions regarding mental illness. The misguided notion that depressed people are maladapted does more harm than good. It shames the victims, promotes stigma and perpetuates a secrecy that might prevent patient from seeking medical help or even seeking support from their their friends and family. As long as depression is seen as a personal failure, the stigma continues. 

I would like to thank the brave souls, in the clip, who discuss their struggles with mental illness.  Thank you for coming forward to talk about how the prejudices you have faced have negatively affected your lives. A wise friend once told me that people empathize with what they understand. I hope your strength in educating those around you will spur compassion, understanding and perhaps even lead to more support towards people grappling with mental illness. Thank you for discussing the prohibitive costs of seeking treatment. It is my sincere hope that some day mental health services, a fundamental part of wellness, will be accessible to all Kenyans regardless of social class. 

 Instead of a positive focus on living positively with depression, the clip heavily centers on the negatives of living with depression. Perhaps an exploration of the positive things the patients have done with their lives would have been more effective in giving hope to other depressed individuals that depression can be effectively managed. I would have liked to see the patients discuss their careers, family life, wellness regiment and tips they could give others grappling with depression. 

I want to reach out to anybody who has unfortunately struggled with depression, especially in an environment of stigma. You are not alone. Do not let other people's judgments prevent you from seeking help and pursuing your own wellness. You are strong, beautiful and brave.  

Do not let depression stop you from pursuing you dreams or being the person who want to be. I hope you get the courage to seek help and when the help is offered follow your wellness routine consistently-Good luck.  You can live with depression positively and do great things. You don't believe me?  I hope the following brilliant minds and beautiful spirits inspire you to explore your fullest potential and maintain your journey towards mental health...

Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of Great Britain was one of the "Big Three" (Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin) to lead the world in it defeat of Hitler in WWII. He told in his own writings of suffering from "black dog," Churchill's term for severe and serious depression.

 

Patty Duke The Academy Award-winning actress told of her bipolar disorder in her autobiography and made-for-TV movie Call Me Anna and A Brilliant Madness: Living with Manic-Depressive Illness, co-authored by Gloria Hochman.

 

Linda Hamilton has gone public regarding her bipolar disorder, diagnosed at a young age. Hamilton, well known for her part with Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator movies, explains how helpful medication has been and that she understands she will have to be on medication for the rest of her life.

 

Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States, suffered from severe and debilitating bouts of depression, which were described by Carl Sandburg in his biographical analysis of his life. Lincoln once wrote in a letter to a friend, "A tendency to melancholy…let it be observed, is a misfortune not a fault."

 

Isaac Newton , the most famous mathematician of the 17th Century, suffered from several “nervous breakdowns” and was known for great fits of rage towards anyone who disagreed with him. Some people suspect that he had Bipolar Disorder, which was unknown at the time.

 

Jimmy Piersall The baseball player for the Boston Red Sox who suffered from bipolar disorder detailed his experience in The Truth Hurts.

 

Brooke Shields talked about her disabling Post Partum Depression in her book Down Came the Rain: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression. She was able to gain a significant improvement in her mood through medication and the help of a skilled nurse who recognized her problem and encouraged her to get help.

 

Vincent Van Gogh, famous painter and artist was labeled peculiar with unstable moods most of his short life. Many people have tried to give a definitive diagnosis of his illness through reading his personal letters. It seems clear that his depressive states were also accompanied by manic episodes of enormous energy and great passion. Van Gogh committed suicide at age 37.

 

Ludwig Von Beethoven, composer, had bipolar disorder and wrote his most famous works during times of torment, loneliness and suffering psychotic delusions. He medicated himself with the only drugs available in that day to bring some relief – opium and alcohol – and died of liver disease.

Jane Pauley, A familiar presence on NBC for over twenty-seven years, Jane Pauley is one of the most recognizable newswomen in America today. Until the release of her book, “Skywriting,” people did not realize that she had accomplished so much while suffering from bipolar disorder, a common and serious mental illness. Click here for information and photos from the 2006 Real Stories, Real Recoveries event.

 

Terry Bradshaw, the winner of four super bowls and a successful sportscaster, writer, singer, and actor, was diagnosed with depression seven years ago and has used a combination of positive thinking, therapy and medications to overcome the illness. Read more about this NFL Hall of Fame Quarterback's battle with depression and the 2007 Real Stories, Real Recoveries program

 

Bellow are some non-profit resources and subsidized clinics, in Kenya, that you can seek help from...

1. Basic Needs.Basic Rights

http://www.basicneeds.org/kenya/index.asp

  2. According to WHO, since 2005 the Kenyan health ministry has been conducting a training program to enable primary care workers to provide mental health care. While this might be a place to seek help from, I would recommend going to a few primary care workers to determine the right one for you. Trust your instincts and allow yourself to be supported by your loved ones in this decision. Once you find a primary care worker that works for you, stick with the program.  Unfortunately I have personally heard pretty negative things about primary care workers providing mental health services. Go with an open mind and recognize that you are there to get better and nothing, not even an unempathetic doctor or nurse is going to stand in your way of seeking wellness.  Unfortunately I can understand where the negative feed back might come from since with the overcrowding in Kenyan hospitals, doctors do not have the adequate time to spend with a patient, listen and fully understand the patients condition.

3. http://knh.or.ke/ 

 

4. In cases of psychiatric conditions caused by gender violence or abuse, the Nairobi Women's Hospital has a non-profit organization "The Gender Violence Recovery Centre (GVRC) that offers support to women who have experienced domestic violence, rape and other forms of abuse. The personnel here might ask extremely intrusive questions in ways that seem unsympathetic but please keep in mind that you are here to seek help, it is better to get help even if you will be embarrassed and intimidated in the process than not to get any help at all.  Try to answer the questions as precisely and respectfully as possible. I hope you receive the help that you need.  It is unfortunate that when women are abused, they are also tasked with the burden of proof whether or not they intend to press charges... I look forward to a time when a woman's word regarding abuse will be taken seriously and they will be offered the help they need, to achieve recovery,  and treated with respect, empathy and kindness before first being coaxed to go public. Going public is an incredibly personal decision that nobody should ever be forced into or coaxed into...

3.

http://www.aidforafrica.org/member-charities/africa-infectious-disease-village-clinics/

 I have heard great things about this clinic from people who have received treatment from this center and would in fact rate it among the top centers to receive treatment from with dignity, empathy, understanding and privacy. 

 

 

On special note, heaps of gratitude to My Kajose, Kiperipera, Oltetian, Lee, Mackie-a.k.a partner and my Champs...Love you to the moon and back :)

 

Summer

Now that summer is nearly over and its back to books and cold weather, this picture of the first day of summer reminds me of the magic in life.
Enjoy the remaining days of summer my friends.

Deal Breakers

Dear Readers,

Today's topic is deal breakers in dating.

As a young twenty something old beautiful single woman, immersed in two very different cultures, navigating the process of dating has been both daunting and exciting. I have met men who are open minded, funny smart and care about the world around them. I have also met men who hold views that have both appalled and disappointing me.
Shall we call this guy Mr. X now? Miss J meets this very smart, education, and funny guy....thinks he is nice, gets to know him more, tells him stories of her first summer in America, her adventures living with a couple that is near and dear to her, only to notice that he is suddenly uncomfortable. The problem? The dear friends that hosted me that summer happen to be a happily married lesbian couple.

Mr. X does not support gay marriage and he quickly lets me know that. I immediately want to let him know that we can only be platonic friends now but upon getting home I change my mind and decide to forward him some of my favorite Human Rights Campaign literature. Mr.X replies with a simple "I don't consider homosexuality a human right." I reply that, "Am sure you are aware that not acknowledging the facts about something does not necessarily change those facts. However, some people choose to ignore the facts anyway so that they do not have to change their opinions."

Mr X replies by further explaining his views which are that " Homosexuality is scientifically fruitless, if you want to speak on factual terms. It is a terrible waste of human sexuality and comes very short of the great workings of the REPRODUCTIVE system in the human beings. It is a sickness."

At this point I reply with the following:

 Bhaa your argument is so illogical---"the great workings of reproduction?" what the hell does that mean? Am guessing that this rests on the assumption that the sole purpose of sexual acts is reproduction. We all know it is not. The only way that homosexuality can be de-legitimized on the basis of the reproduction argument is by also de-legitimizing all other forms of sexual acts that do not produce children.

The only thing I see as a waste here is the energy used to villianize homosexuality especially by people who belong to religions that teach us to love one another and leave judgment to God. Why are others so concerned with what others do in the privacy of their bedrooms anyways? The argument is as simple as if you don't like homosexuality then do not engage in it.

Also it is very peculiar that some so called "immoral" acts get more attention than others. Only way that this extreme discomfort with homosexuality can be justified on moral grounds is with being equally uncomfortable with all other forms of sin because telling white lies, fornication, envy. hate e.t.c are all at par with homosexuality. Until we are all as uncomfortable with those as we are with homosexuality then all our attempts at calling homosexuality Sickness are at best laughable.

Also on your point that homosexuality is scientifically fruitless, this is a false claim. Homosexual is very physically pleasurable and love between gay couples translates into the same psychological and physical benefits that psychologists have observed in straight couples.

Also why should anyone care about whether somebody else is "wasting" their sexuality? Who made anyone a judge over how others choose to use their sexuality, potential or talents? If waste is the only thing wrong with this am sure we can come up with hundreds, if not thousands, other forms of waste that humans engage in. So how exactly do we choose what forms of waste to condemn and persecute? How exactly do we form tribunals to police if others are "Wasting" ? If we do not condemn the waste of all other forms of human capacities with the same intensity that we condemn homosexuality, then policing the "waste" of sexuality is at best purely unfair and targeted harassment and motivated by other ulterior motives and not the aim of "saving" the wasted sexuality.

It is sad and disturbing at best that people like you still think along these lines of thought yet claim to be so ohh logical.

Mr X's views on homosexuality are a deal breaker in my books.

What are some of your deal breakers my dear readers? 

Ohh also, after that last email Mr.X does not reply.

Prime Minister Raila Odinga's Relatives in Goverment.

1) His wife Ida Odinga - member of the Maseno University Council;
2) His elder brother, Oburu Oginga, Assistant Minister;
3) His first cousin, Jakoyo Midiwo, government Chief Whip;
4) His sister, Wenwa Akinyi Oranga, Kenya’s Consulate in Los Angeles;
5) His sister, Beryl Achieng, Chair of Kenya Railway Pension Fund;
6) His brother-in-law, Elkana Odembo, Kenya’s Ambassador to Washington DC;
7) Ida’s first cousin, Agnes Nangila Odhiambo, Controller of Budget

Smart Engineer Raila Amollo Odinga does not approve of reducing the MPs allowances but he has no qualms about taxing NGOs. Who Knew?

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dAjZkPxRa8&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTvGFAXPXFw&feature=player_embedded

So Raila wants to cushion the poor by taxing the NGOs helping the poor??? The hypocrite apparently opposed Minister Kiemi Kilonzo's plan to reduce MPS allowances and salaries but he has no qualms about taxing NGO....(I wonder why.......) Could this be because he wants to stay in the good favor of the MPs for the sake of his presidential ambitions??? And who is he serving here? Raila or Kenyans??? We know the answer. I really don't know why our highly educated engineer can propose such an idiotic measure as sending money to the poor through their mobile phones. The poor don't need money through their mobile phones. They need accountability from their leaders-tackle corruption, ensure that the crisis department of the government is working properly to actually respond to Hunger with both food and vital services not money through mobile phones. Make Kenya safe and stable so that it is lucrative to investors.  The poor need education and some level of job skills so that they can compete in the global job market. The poor need skills so that they can pioneer economic ventures to generate income. I know Raila knows this already but money though mobile phones alone will solve very little. Also with the very high rates of corruption in Kenya, Raila will need to explain to us very carefully how we are to believe that this money will actually reach the poor and not end up in foreign accounts for 2012 elections.
Might I also mention to Engineer that the NGOs he wants to tax provide the poor vital training necessary to jump start their journey into financial independence but off-course that doesn't not matter when the presidency is at stake-let us tax NGOs and instead use that money to create a governmental dependence from the poor-you see a dependent lot is easy to manipulate for a lot of things including Votes....