Donald Sterling is not only racist but also an abusive partner

          After seeing people alleging that Stiviano abused #Donald Sterling’s trust and is cunning and manipulative to have leaked that recording, I want to point out that while it is tempting to crucify this woman, doing so only exposes our own misogyny, classism and compliance with domestic abuse. How unfortunate that misogyny blinds us to the abuse this woman suffered in the hands of this insecure, manipulative and controlling older boyfriend. Manipulation and isolation from loved ones by a significant other IS emotional abuse. Now I know you would argue that she could leave him if she wanted but studies have shown that the power dynamics between partners and their abusers are often pretty complex. Now add that to the fact that this man is a billionaire who wields lots of power in the circles that they interact in-that makes it even more complicated. You say you hate the set up and the abuse of trust on her part? Well, how about the set up on his part and the abuse of trust. He also set her up-. he bought her lots of material things then subsequently thought that he had BOUGHT HER FREEDOM AND AUTONOMY and could not only dictate her actions but also limit who she interacts with. I suspect that he is an expert abuser because at the slightest hint of her non-compliance he threatens and blackmails her with his leaving her. That is an abuse of trust he is purposely choosing to hurt her, by insulting her very core of being and heritage-make her feel that as a black woman she is inherently inadequate and has no value in the society and can only be of value when she has a white God father bestowing value upon her and continuing to affirm that value. That is an abuse of trust-a partner who feels so inadequate in your eyes but instead of working on himself chooses to break you down, lower your esteem so that you can stay with him thinking you can never do better and he is all you deserve is an abuser. A partner who tries to control you by making you feel inadequate without them is in fact abusing your trust.  What this comes down to is the fact that this man is just plain insecure, manipulative and abusive. I suspect that he did not want her to associate this those super star athletes because he was perhaps worried that she would eventually leave him for one of them and if this was his worry, he should have faced her like a man and discussed that issue openly rather than trying to manipulate her. Through his own trust issues his racism is exposed because he is so prejudice against Black people that they essentially have no value, beyond the economical in his eyes. Essentially he couldn’t fathom how his girlfriend would ever want to associate this “those” people yet he is still threatened by them.

Stiviano exposed her emotionally abusive older boyfriend. As a society, we cannot continue to urge abused women to seek help and leave while holding some abusive men above reproach. No man should ever afford to buy the right to abuse their partner. It doesn’t matter how many cars, houses or diamonds they have bought for her. Whichever way we choose to view this, either through the framework of a utilitarian philosophy or in a Kantian way, his actions are still reprehensible. The bottom line is this: is the emotional abuse of a partner wrong? YES. Surely we don’t even need fancy moral philosophies to help us arrive at this conclusion.

Now this man was set to receive an NAACP life time achievement award and has had very close ties to that organization. I would argue that exposing a live recording of him was the only way that this woman would have:

 1. Proven that he does indeed hold the racist views expressed in the recording

2. Is an abuser whom she can finally leave and live her life.

Given our society’s tendency to question women who expose their abusers, I would say that this woman is very brave.

Donald is not only racist but also an abusive partner.

Mahatma Gandhi once said that “The measure of a civilization is how it treats its weakest members.”

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/closeread/2014/04/donald-sterling-nba-clippers-owner-revealing-racism.html?utm_source=tny&utm_campaign=generalsocial&utm_medium=facebook&mbid=social_facebook